Behind the curtain
I undress
while you smoke a joint
on the queen size bed.

I peek through the dingy tapestry
and catch your stare
upon my silhouette.

As I walk out naked
goosebumps creep across my flesh
at your smile.

And we talk for a while.
Or you talk as I stand
innocently bare
dirtied by your stare
as you draw me.

I cringe inside my skin
at each scrape of the pencil
against the pad.
My flesh being touched by lead
all over.

As papers of my body
fall to the floor,
I become
more and more
uncomfortable in my skin…

Readers please note: this story includes descriptions of life-threatening eating disorders and behaviors. If you need info, support, or help with eating disorders, contact National Eating Disorders Association.

I learned early on to love hating my body. I learned that looks matter — and that being good enough was something that didn’t come from the inside.

My mother would constantly ask me: “Do I look fat?” Her wounds bled through her daily dialogue. …

It was a safe way for me to keep the focus off of myself.

It took me years of blaming the opposite sex to realize, they weren’t at fault, I was.

Let me explain.

I’ve been hurt by a lot of men. I’ve been abused physically and emotionally. But what human hasn’t been hurt by another human?

I’m not trying to downplay my own trauma. It just doesn’t hold the emotional charge it once did, because I’ve processed the pain. Or have I?

When we can dive deeply inward and do the emotional digging necessary to not only heal the anger, sadness, and even rage associated with abuse, we can get to the root question our psyches…

Our social lives are so limited right now.

I look forward to my trips to the local health food store. I mean I get to check out and even interact with lots of seemingly attractive masked men! I make sure I wear my cute mask. You know, the one with a color that brings out my eyes. I’ve always felt like my blue eyes are one of my greatest assets. I guess showing off my eyes is one of the perks of this never-ending pandemic.

The pandemic is kind of a buzz-kill for singles.

That is until you realize this is your reality and you better find a…

I want to be that someone people turn to between doing and being.

That person they seek to fill the gaps when they just want to laze quietly on a hammock and fill their thoughts with depth. That person they seek to revel in the mystery of the unknown. That pat-on-the-back friend who just gets it — and them.

As a Cancer, empath, and highly sensitive soul, I get it. My gift is filling in the gaps.

Give me a day with no agenda, and I will become the queen of each moment.

I never get bored. Puttering is my…

On a day full of heartache, the cheesy words of a meme floating through my Instagram feed spoke to an unhealed part of me.

“The magic you seek is inside.”

As I read these simple words, I was suddenly transported back in time.

I found myself on a beach standing in front of a younger version of myself.

The smell of the salty air and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore felt as real to me as my own heartbeat.

Standing before me on the warm, squishy sand, was a middle-school-aged version of myself. She was awkward and gangly, with braces too big for her teeth and glasses too big for her…

It’s taken me nearly 2 weeks to write about this — not because I didn’t want to — but because I didn’t feel ready to.

For Harry Potter fans, coronavirus has felt like Voldemort to my mind. Writing about the virus that I wish didn’t have to be named has taken me lots of mental and emotional processing time. And perhaps you can relate. It went from being insidious to pandemic within weeks.

Suddenly my daughter’s school was canceled “indefinitely.” My heart lept into my throat when I read the school district’s email. I was moving into my new therapy…

“Okay, take a deep breath and cough for me,” the white-haired doctor said as he pressed a cool metal stethoscope onto my bareback.

“Hmmm, no signs of wheezing at all. And you said this has been going on for a month?”

He invited me to step off the high check-up table. “Why don’t you sit beside me in this chair?” He was facing his computer, but quickly spun around and looked me in the eyes with all the sincerity in the world.

I will admit, I was hesitant when this much older, rather brusk mannered fill-in for my regular MD…