If shared from a place of owning what’s yours, i.e. …”When you do this, I feel___,” this could be ground for deepening your bond and not weakening it. If your partner gets defensive, consider their feelings and ask them what’s coming up for them. The healthiest way to communicate (and this is coming from my therapist self) is keeping the focus on your feelings (I statements) instead of blaming or shaming or making it all about them and what they do/say, etc. It’s not easy, especially if it has been pent up and there is a lot to unpack.
Stay tuned for a piece on healthy communication in relationships in the near future. Let me know if I was on or off target for you with my answer. I don’t want to make assumptions…so I’m just offering general insight based on couples therapy theory-based work and nonviolent communication philosophy.
Thanks so much for reading!